Writing About Painful Moments as Fiction: Is This a Good Idea?

A Guest Post by Patrick Bailey

Everybody experiences trauma or other harmful events in their life, and these moments can be transformative in many ways.

For some, these changes are short-lived; they work out their emotions with ease.

Others, unfortunately, may struggle to handle this emotional burden.

Writers and wannabe writers may want to transform their trauma into powerful fiction.

Is this wise?

Is it possible to do this without experiencing adverse reactions?

It depends.

How Trauma Impacts a Person

When bad things happen to individuals, there are two basic ways that they can react:

They can suppress their emotions and try to deny them, resulting in traumatic flashbacks or other emotional difficulties.
Alternatively, they can face their traumas head-on and try to manage them in a way that safely minimizes their impacts.

Sometimes trauma and other bad moments change a person forever, no matter how well they handle the initial impact.

Feel numb. Rather than feel pain, they opt to feel nothing after a traumatic event, such as a parent’s death. This may make it hard for them to feel love or affection until or if they have fully processed it.
Blame themselves. Others may find those bad events linger with them long after they initially happened and cause recurring negative thoughts that may be hard to fight. Someone feeling they are “stupid” or “weak” for having been abused is an unfortunate—but common—emotional situation.
Struggle with low self-esteem. Others may find that they cannot regain the happiness that they once possessed before their trauma.

To heal they must find a way to manage these feelings—or the lack thereof—that work for their needs.

Some need medication, at least temporarily, to manage their emotional agitation and keep their minds and bodies safe and healthy.

Others need to actively work through their trauma with therapy or by other means.

Writing about it, autobiographically or fictionally, may provide them with a way out.

Writing to Learn

The concept of “writing to learn” is a powerful educational tool used in many different situations.

For instance, many English courses ask students to “journal” about their day and see what kind of thoughts and stories they create.

Often, crafting a detailed story from mundane experiences helps them process their emotions and better understand their experiences.

Outside of an educational environment, writing to learn can be used in many other situations.

For example, take the events that traumatized you and write about them, reliving them in a safe environment. It is a bit like a flashback that you control.

You can pause when you feel overwhelmed, or add details that enhance the narrative to help you discover a life purpose.

It is alright to change the facts for any reason, including to conceal the characters’ real-life identities, to protect yourself or others.

Famous writers such as F. Scott Fitzgerald infamously used their lives as the primary source of their writing inspiration.

If the principals might see your story, however, and you don’t want to stir up a hornet’s nest, you might want to make sure you don’t step on any toes or cause any agitation among those involved.

Fictionalizing These Events Requires Courage and Care

People who write memoirs often find themselves having to discuss personal and sometimes private events with their friends and family.

For example, if you and your sister had an abusive relationship with a parent, you should talk with her about it before including her in any of the stories.

Don’t assume that everybody will be okay with it or that you won’t hurt anybody’s feelings.

Remember, you’re writing about real people with real emotions.

Not getting the okay about it beforehand—even if you fictionalize the events and characters—can be a huge mistake.

It may be easier to ask forgiveness than permission, but not if you want to keep relations friendly.

Unless you’re comfortable with burning bridges, you should make sure that anybody you may fictionalize is okay with your telling their story and any changes you may make.

(Sons and Lovers is one of D.H. Lawrence’s most highly regarded novels, but the way he fictionalized his relationship with Jesse Chambers ended their friendship. She later published her version of their relationship, another danger of writing about real people.)

While you want to keep it true to what happened to you, the more elements and characteristics you change, the less likely the other people will get upset.

For example, you can change the characters’ genders, change how the story ended, adjust descriptions, move it to a different location, even change it to a different genre (horror, science fiction) setting.

To prevent hurt feelings, you may want to let others involved read the story, even giving them the approval of which details you may share.

Always Be Truthful to Your Experience

Whatever approach you take, if your goal is therapeutic, make sure that you are truthful and honest about what happened.

Don’t try to force a false happy ending.

And always make sure your details consider the reality as perceived by the other “characters.”

You will have a better chance of finding your truth in life and making others happy with the experience, too.

Sources:

wac.edu – What is Writing to Learn?
university of minnesota.edu – What is Life Purpose?
ncbi.gov – Understanding the Impact of Trauma
womenshealth.gov – Abuse, Trauma, and Mental Health
eric.gov – Memoirs Matter
medium.com – Jessie Chambers: D.H. Lawrence’s First Love
vanderbilt.edu – How to Write a Memoir

About Patrick Bailey
Patrick Bailey is a professional writer, mainly in the fields of mental health, addiction, and living in recovery. He attempts to stay on top of the latest news in the addiction and the mental health world and enjoys writing about these topics to break the stigma associated with them.